After a lot of thought, I have decided to go in a different direction with this blog. Originally, I had planned for this to be a way to show my photography and get myself out there (strictly as a hobby, of course). Now, I think this could be better used as a place for me to practice writing and organizing my thoughts. I even like this font better; it seems to suit its purpose nicely.
Yes, this does seem like a significant change, but I believe I have good reasons. Most importantly, I need to learn how to express myself as a writer (which is quite the necessity since I am an English Literature major). Not only will this help me with my schoolwork and, later on, applications and interviews, it will also help me personally. While I do not wish to go into too much detail here, I will explain a little further.
I am currently reading Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert and she has given me great insight. In her book, she documents her journey through Italy, India, and Indonesia and emphasizes her new found independence and dedication to writing. At this point in my life, I feel like this is extremely relevant in a number of ways. First of all, I will be officially living on my own in a couple of weeks. (Although, I am still completely dependent on my parents for money.... so I am not completely independent just yet!) But, I will be living in an apartment for the first time, paying my own rent and electricity bill. I will be responsible for making sure I make it to school on time (since I can no longer roll out of bed and walk five minutes to class). For me, however, there is another, more important, definition of the word "independent". I think of it as being free from everything and anything that could possibly hold me back in life. Over a year ago, I was stuck in an emotionally abusive relationship that I couldn't find a way to get out of. Until now, I have never admitted to this publicly and openly. Actually, I am not quite sure what gives me the confidence now, except maybe that I feel like I am writing into this giant void and I do not really know or care who reads it. I just need to get it out there and off my chest, I guess, and I will probably regret this in the morning. I came to this conclusion recently while talking to my therapist. (Yes, I have a therapist, and, despite what people may say, I honestly believe everyone should. It really gives me a new, healthy perspective on my life.) Anyways, back to what I was trying to say... While in this relationship that I perceived as perfectly normal, I was ridiculed for my love of English and reading. I was told that it would be embarrassing to become one of those "English snobs," whatever that means. At that point, I refused to consider a major in English. Instead, I took the more common route for pre-med students: Biology. I have since then changed my major. The thought that I let myself be affected by his words and actions so deeply astonishes me. I sat back and let everything happen. I never once stood up for myself. It was like watching everything happen from a third person, bystander point of view. I wanted to intervene, but I could not. I do not wish to share anything else about this relationship except that luckily, as my dad always tells me, "things have a way of working themselves out." And they did. A year later, I have made a complete change. I have freed myself from that relationship that held me back more than I could have ever imagined. I have a wonderful support system at school, my family has been amazing, and I have finally figured out what I love: music, reading, and writing. And to top it all off, I am completely happy and independent. This brings me to my second point. Eat Pray Love has given me the confidence to write. I figure, if Elizabeth Gilbert can tell the world about her life, including some of her darkest moments, then I can certainly write a blog. Truthfully, it doesn't even quite compare. I do not know everyone that will read this, but that is OK. If by sharing this, I could help just one person gain the courage to take control of their life and do what they enjoy without worrying what other people may say or think, then all of this is worth it.
Thank you to everyone who has helped me regain this level of confidence and I look forward to the future of this blog.
